75 of the Best Funny and Clean Jokes For Kids

Recently updated! These 75 Funny Clean Jokes For Kids will keep your little ones laughing. From silly puns to zany riddles, these are the best kids jokes out there. This has been one of my most popular posts! So I’ve come back and updated to almost DOUBLE the amount of jokes here!

Funny Jokes For Kids

My kid’s school does a silly joke every day during their announcements, so they never have a shortage of them. Some of these are ones that they have taught me and some I’ve found around the internet. This is a fun collection of Dad Jokes, Clean Jokes, Puns and Riddles that are guaranteed to make any family function full of zany laughter. 

75 Funny and Clean Jokes For Kids

1. What did the policeman say to his belly button? You’re under a vest!
2. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, it just waved.
3. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
4. What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta
5. What do call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese
6. What do you call a sleeping bull? A bulldozer!
7. Where do pencils go for vacation? Pencil-vania
8. What did the judge say when the skunk walked in the court room? Odor in the court.
9. What did the janitor say when he jumped out of the closet? Supplies!!!!!!!
10. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
11. What did one elevator say to the other elevator? I think I’m coming down with something!
12. Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two-tired!
13. What did the triangle say to the circle? You’re pointless!
14. What is an astronaut’s favorite place on a computer? The Space bar!
15. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was “out standing” in his field.
16. Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn’t invented yet.
17. What did one hat say to another? 
18. You stay here, I’ll go on a head
19. Why are pirates called pirates? Because they arrrrr.
20. Why does a Moon-rock taste better than an Earth-rock? Because it’s a little meteor
21. What do you call a guy who never farts in public? A private tutor
22. What did the buffalo say to his son when he left for college? Bison
23. Why do ducks make great police officers? Because they always quack the case.
24. What kind of shoes do all spies wear? Sneakers
25. Why did the belt go to jail? Because it held up a pair of pants!
26. Why aren’t koalas actual bears? The don’t meet the koalafications.
27. Why is there a gate around cemeteries? Because people are dying to get in!
28. How does NASA organize a party? They planet
29. Who walks into a restaurant, eats shoots and leaves? A Panda
30. What did one eye say to the other eye? Don’t look now, but something between us smells.
31. What sound do porcupines make when they kiss? Ouch!
32. How do hens cheer for their team? They egg them on!
33. What has ears but cannot hear? A cornfield.
34. What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinner is on me!
35. Why did the student eat his homework? Because the teacher told him it was going to be a piece of cake.
36. Why are ghosts bad liars? Because you can see right through them.
37. Why was the picture sent to jail? Because it was framed!
38. What do you call an old snowman? Water
39. Why did the superhero flush the toilet? Because it was his doody
40. What did the zero say to the eight? Nice belt!
41. Why did the mushroom get invited to the party? Because he was a Fun-Guy.
42. Why couldn’t the pirate play cards? Because he was sitting on the deck!
43. Why should you never tell a pig your secret? Because it is sure to squeal.
44. What type of haircuts do bees get? Buzz cuts!
45. What type of tree can you hold in one hand? A Palm Tree!
46. What do you call a bear with no teeth? A gummy bear!
47. Why do seagulls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over the bay, they would be bagels!
48. What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we’ll go places!
49. Where do hamburgers take their dance on Valentine’s Day? The Meat Ball!
50. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road? Because he had no guts!
51. What is the skeleton’s favorite instrument? The trombone!
52. Why would you smear peanut butter on a road? To go with the traffic jam!
53. What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Mice Cream!
54. What is worse than finding a worm in your apple? Finding half a worm!
55. How do you make a tissue dance? You put a little boogie in it!
56. What did the thumb say to the finger? I’m in Glove with you!
57. What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday, the rest are weakdays!
58. How do you keep an astronauts baby from crying? You Rocket!
59. Why is the baseball stadium so cold? Because it’s full of fans!
60. Why did the math book need to see a counselor? Because it was full of problems!
61. What do you call an alligator in a vest? In Investigator!
62. What do you get someone who already has everything? A burglar alarm!
63. Why don’t you ever see giraffes in elementary school? They are all in High School!
64. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? In case he got a hole in one!
65. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use honey combs!
66. What is more impressive than a talking parrot? A spelling bee!
67. Why didn’t the Teddy Bear eat dessert? Because he was stuffed!
68. Why did the boy bring a ladder to school? He wanted to go to high school!
69. What happened to the frog who’s car broke down? He had to be toad. 
70. What is tall when it is young but short when it is old? A candle!
71. Have you seen the movie “Constipated”? No, it hasn’t come out yet!
72. What do you get if you combine a vampire and a snowman? Frostbite!
73. What did the traffic light say to the car? Don’t peak, I’m changing! 
74. Why didn’t dinosaurs eat clowns? Because they taste funny!
75. What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waste of time!

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